Tuesday was an interesting and joyful day. It was 6-21-22, the longest day of the year, summer solstice. It’s now Friday, and my memory is awful, so I’ll do my best to recant the magic.
Midday, I meditated while floating in the pool. My sister and I were going to try to meet a Crystal Cave again, to try to meet with our mother.
In my mind, Crystal Cave is at a local state park, called Proud Lake, right at the portage adjacent to the bridge that crosses the river. To get there, I tube or kayak or walk through the shallow water down the river until reaching the portage.
This part is especially hard for me to visualize and get through. My thoughts move very quick, and I just want to get there instantaneously. Through practice, I’m getting better. The last time I noticed some animals at the water’s edge as I made my way toward my destination. This time, I saw animals, but they were my deceased pets.
When I got to the cave, I saw my mom’s hair and knew she was sitting at the fire. When I got close to her, I realized that it wasn’t truly her- and then her eyes turned all black. I wasn’t scared, and felt a message that said something along the lines of “we all have our false personas, but you should love everyone anyway.”
In the next moment, I was following my mom, but it was the real mom, not the fake. We entered a meadow full of wildflowers. She was bending down with her gardening supplies tending to the flowers- just like she would have done in real life. The message I heard was, “why do you guys always want to go to the damp dark cave? It’s so much nicer out here!” Man, that is such a “my mom” thing to say, LOL.
That’s about it for my meditation. When I talked to my sister after, she let me tell my experience first, because she didn’t have anything significant happen. Except that when she went to the cave, she ended up at the meadow too. I never went to the meadow until now, but she goes there regularly for self-healing. When her meditation took here there, she took it as a sign that I need to work on self-healing. I should add that I’ve been riddled with medical problems lately, and we asked for a sign about it beforehand and she thought that the meadow meant I needed to keep working on self-healing.
I think it’s awesome that we both ended up at the meadow. I’m loving these meditation meet-ups and am feeling like I’m getting the relationship with my mom back- the one I thought was long gone after she passed away. It’s been amazing.
Sometime after this, I took a very long two hour nap (my naps are usually about 20 minutes). I woke up right before 6:00, thank goodness because I had a psychic reading scheduled at 6:00. It was for a psychic who is still practicing, so it was free and she would have been accommodating if I had to reschedule, but I would have felt bad if I slept through it.
We did it through Zoom and my mom showed up right away. She was talking about some situation that doesn’t make sense- or won’t make sense- until shit hits the fan- then it’ll all make sense. She wished she had said more, and had been more vocal- but wanted me to know that at the time of her death, she was 100% okay with the situation, and it was important for me to know that. There’s a huge party up north this week with a bunch of her side of the family, so now I’m wondering if something is going to come out this weekend- or will it be years? Or was it a broad statement about life– nothing will really make sense until shit hits the fan (and we die), then it’ll all make perfect sense. Who knows.
I asked for guidance about my medical situation and the psychic shared with me that she’s also studying medical intuition. She consulted her guides who told me that it’s the masculine (right) side of my body. I should place my hands on my heart and visualize gold running through my right side. She said my left side was flowing freely, but the right side is very blocked. The guides also mentioned lemon juice and olive oil to help.
The most interesting part came towards the end. “Do you know who Wayne Dyer is?” she asked me, followed by, “I think he’s here.” Then, by, “He’s definitely here- did you know him?”
“In real life?” I quizzically answered. “No, but he is one of my absolute heros!” Wayne suggested I listed to his “I am” meditation to aid with healing. I was bummed thinking it was a guided meditation, but it’s actually just tones and I love meditating to them- this was definitely doable! In retrospect, I think Wayne may have been my spirit guide using the vision of Wayne not to trick me, but to allow my brain to trust and accept. I believe the message is just as important, maybe even moreso, if it was my guide.
So when hubby got home on Tuesday, and asked how my day was, I told him– all of it. I genuinely couldn’t tell if he was more shocked, amused or concerned– but he’s getting used to my wild ways.
That day was the high point of this first week of summer vacation. If you asked me up until today how it’s been, I would have said perfect. Hot sunny days, lots of water, naps, time to cook and clean (minimally), time to hang with my kids, it’s been great. Except for my fucking RA.
It’s been tough this week- especially waking up in excruciating pain when I move. I’m still doing the AIP thing, because if I don’t, it’ll be even worse.
Last weekend we went up north to visit friends. I went off this diet and had gluten, diary and sugar, and some fast food. On Monday my jaw was affected and it hurt so bad, as did my throat. All week I’ve been playing whack-a-mole with random and ever changing sore joints. I can’t weed, ride my bike, and lots of other things, which is slowly bringing down my morale. And after all week of eating better, I’m still having flares.
Last night, I woke up and just cried. I’m tired and sometimes just want to give up. I feel bad for my hubby, it can’t be easy for him to go through this with me. Sometimes I just don’t want to be here anymore- fighting this.
Okay gang, pity party is over. It has to be, I can’t forget how wonderful and magical this life truly is. I’m determined that this pain, this journey, has a purpose ❤